That Which Makes Monsters out of Men

There is a Monster inside of us all, just as Death awaits behind the last door.
Take the chance and open all others, first. Maybe then you'll see what makes Monsters out of Men.

-.-

My life has turned around and while a large hole in my life is filled, and that cup runs over..
There are other things that still eat at me and it bothers me because it reminds me of that which I know, but try my hardest to ignore.
I am an angry person.
Residing on those thoughts perpetuates my anger into an intense rage.
At that point, I’m not that good at controlling who I snap on. 

All I want now, is to defeat that machine.
Its fueled by hatred, and though I’ve come a long way, it seems inescapable. I’ve always been this way.. and I just want it to stop.

Dear God..

I haven’t been around much for anyone, and I can see why…
At least in solitude, I have less “Oh, what in the actual fuck?!” moments.


Society.
What’re you doing?
Society. 
Society, stahp!

I am often times one of them.. I struggle between my love and hate.. Yet sometimes.. I let my hate consume me, and for a little while.. I’m invulnerable. It’s strange though, that there is only one person that I have ever loved that has never intentionally hurt me. Sigh.. Were it not for that woman.. there would be no struggle. I’d set the tinder and light the match myself. 
I figured I should upload a pic of myself early, that way you can see the person behind the words.. I mean.. I don’t think any of my friends have added me here. Shit. They probably don’t even know I have one.. But.. If anyone does look at my posts.. Here I am. Am I what you were expecting?

Love

T’was brought to my attention today that many around me do not understand love.
Honestly. Thats fucking sad. I have understood love since I was a child, and I now know how it feels to feel it while others of my generation lag behind, and even those from generations before.

Generally, love is a double sided sword that is so heavy, were your counterpart to let go or reveal to your mind that he/she had never helped you hold it, it would fall facing, leaving a scar somewhere on/in you to tell the tale. Love comes in many forms and is not something to mess around with, because of it’s proven (and quite apparent) biological connection to the body/mind. There are downfalls to lacking in certain types love as a child, teen, and adult and honestly.. 
THAT is PRIMARILY the problem I have with those who misuse/misunderstand it. 
Love is not ONE thing. 
It is a multitude of things all compiled into one word. 
Love and Hate are not necessarily opposites, more so brother and sister. It does not take any real specification to earn someone’s love because love can also be a delusion in some cases. 
It a volatile, dangerous thing to people who have hell bent emotions, and it’s often times a shitty process to go through in means of finding it.

The easiest type of love to talk about is Parental/Family love. 
A love with no real reason, usually. 
A love you were taught to have and in part is implanted in you given on who you refer to. (Immediate Family)
These days, it is often times just a delusion entertained by the brain or a bittersweet realization for others because “Family” fucks you over more often than friends. 

Friendship Love is a bit harder. 
It has feelings and restrictions at the same time, which is why it is easy for people to transition from friendship to fucking. They already for sure care about one another, like one another, and will continue to like one another after they fuck. The only downfalls come from communication error, or lack of true friendship.. Course.. That’s what happens when you don’t think before you act and also go for it way too soon.

Relationship love is obvious to me..
A Choice and a Feeling coupled together, and after a while.. a habit. People fall in and out of it, and as such this IS the natural way because the brain gets bored and hungers for variety.
For a lot of people though, they find something so comfortable that the habitual aspect of their relationship makes liking another person seem wrong to them and they remain faithful even though they are bored.. unless.. They have no other option but to relocate their feelings..
and in which case, the pure habitual nature will mentally effect them as will the emotional withdraw they will face in the time it takes them to “heal” from the experience and move on. 

It takes every person different amounts of time to move on from different types of people in their life, and relationship “traumas” are relatively short in comparison to the other options. We all feel things at different intensities and to judge someone on their feelings is not wrong.. but it isnt right either. 

>Feelings are created and transformed by people and circumstance. To judge the feelings without knowing how they came about is like arresting a man who killed someone for murdering his wife right in front of him moments before.
I honestly think that is a fully justified murder.
Murdering a Murderer.. Wouldn’t you figure that since they usually do it for the rush/power in the kill, that it would be more detrimental to them to die the way they killed others than to die by the chair? >Just pointing that out. 




Post Script~
Essentially. Love has the power to make and break anything.. It just has to be real and real love can prove it’s power. Period.
I just wish you all could understand that, and as well realize it’s not something to fuck with. 

 
 

 



“We all lose ourselves at least once in our lives, and it is the path we pick up after that loss that makes us who we are.
There is no set path for any person.
There is only one solid goal for all.”

—   Lia Fay